This past month: didn't love, didn't hate it. I feel like I spent the majority of the time wondering if I was working too hard or not enough in school, and that honestly didn't do much for me. This month I am going to work on opening myself up again to those around me, and finding ways to be happy. I wasn't happy a lot in September. I just kept worrying. And that's not good.
I've been enjoying my fall break this week. Had a much needed emotional break down Thursday and Friday. Saw a play with some friends Friday night, had rehearsal Saturday for the show I'm in, and spent the rest of the time with the boyfriend working on sonnets and learning how to cook (I'm becoming domestic. What's happening to me??). I also had a session with my Alexander Technique teacher to fix my back when I injured it in voice class, and she just made everything seem so easy again.
... Why do I keep stressing over things? Not good. But I'm working on it.
Had one-act auditions last Monday at school, and was cast in Sam Shepard's play Icarus' Mother. It's going to be insanely awesome. I'm in a group of very talented, very fun actors; and my director was my script analysis teacher last year, and she knows so much about Shepard. Excited!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Dreams IV
1. This one happened a few days ago ... Larry and I were living in a swank apartment and having a party. There is this girl who neither of us know who starts hitting on Larry and goes crazy when Larry tells her he's not interested. She starts wreaking the entire place throwing things, breaking things, and all I can do is sit and watch while eating candy. Then Larry and I walk out and find ourselves in a huge hotel, where we are trying to get to our seats for the baseball game. I somehow lose him and go outside where I am home, in my backyard. I know that I need to cross through my neighbor's backyard to get where I need to be, but I have to be cautious because my neighbor has a pet bear. I go into her backyard and climb up onto her very high porch, and just as I am about to climb out from the other side, I see that my neighbor has been watching the entire time in her van. She starts yelling at me saying that I am always using her backyard to get to places and that she's tired of it. So she gets her bear to attack me. I jump off the porch into the yard and start throwing fruit to try to distract the bear, which works until I get to the gate door - that's locked - and the bear jumps at me. Then I kick the bear in the face and run.
2. Larry, Sarah and I were participating in a race in New York where we had to race up a hill on a flat, rolling thing, with our feet up so we could only use our hands to move. (Kinda reminds me of those races we had to do in elementary school that never made any sense.) And it was dark outside with no lights, so we couldn't even see where we were and how far we had already gone. I stopped maybe halfway thru because I saw someone lying on the road with a tiny light. I approached the person and saw that it was Sangwoong. He was really sad, and I didn't know what to do, so I kept on going. I caught up with Larry and Sarah, and heard Jacqueline's voice cheering us on. Then the dream skipped to Larry and I going back to my place. When we opened the door, we saw two of Larry's friends (in reality, I've never seen these people before) who decided to crash on my floor for the weekend. Odd. I then took out my keys from my pocket and noticed that they were broken. So I spend the rest of the dream coming up with how to fix my keys. Tape wouldn't work, neither would glue. One of the guys had my trying connecting the base of the key with a tiny baby doll head and hooks - that didn't work. Then my neighbor (who looked a little like Neil Patrick Harris) asked me why I haven't just gone to the super and asked for a new key. I stood there for a while, and finally said to him "Didn't know it was that simple."
3. This one was all jumbled up, so just know that, in addition to what will be described, there was a turtle walking slowly, and a little girl I kept taking pictures of. I don't know what they have to do with my dream or when they appeared, but I remember them being there. ... I had to do a photo shoot where I was really high in the air - high enough to where I could see the tops of buildings, and I had to balance on beams, three of them, with only a harness holding me. The photographer wanted me to start at the top beam and fall to the next two. And I was freaking out because of my fear of falling, but after watching two other girls do it I knew I had to get over my fear and just do it. And after I did it I felt relieved and happy. Then Larry and I went to my gluten-free bakery (because I am cool enough to have one in my dream apparently) where there were tons of packages inside and outside of the place. Turns out they were all end-products of my own recipes that people decided to make and send me to thank me. There was food everywhere. On tables, in cupboards, boxes ... just piles of gluten-free goodness. And I remember how weird and amazing it was to see how many people were happy with what I could give them that they decided to give back ... by giving me food. At the end of the dream Larry and I were eating stacks of pancakes. And then I woke up drooling.
2. Larry, Sarah and I were participating in a race in New York where we had to race up a hill on a flat, rolling thing, with our feet up so we could only use our hands to move. (Kinda reminds me of those races we had to do in elementary school that never made any sense.) And it was dark outside with no lights, so we couldn't even see where we were and how far we had already gone. I stopped maybe halfway thru because I saw someone lying on the road with a tiny light. I approached the person and saw that it was Sangwoong. He was really sad, and I didn't know what to do, so I kept on going. I caught up with Larry and Sarah, and heard Jacqueline's voice cheering us on. Then the dream skipped to Larry and I going back to my place. When we opened the door, we saw two of Larry's friends (in reality, I've never seen these people before) who decided to crash on my floor for the weekend. Odd. I then took out my keys from my pocket and noticed that they were broken. So I spend the rest of the dream coming up with how to fix my keys. Tape wouldn't work, neither would glue. One of the guys had my trying connecting the base of the key with a tiny baby doll head and hooks - that didn't work. Then my neighbor (who looked a little like Neil Patrick Harris) asked me why I haven't just gone to the super and asked for a new key. I stood there for a while, and finally said to him "Didn't know it was that simple."
3. This one was all jumbled up, so just know that, in addition to what will be described, there was a turtle walking slowly, and a little girl I kept taking pictures of. I don't know what they have to do with my dream or when they appeared, but I remember them being there. ... I had to do a photo shoot where I was really high in the air - high enough to where I could see the tops of buildings, and I had to balance on beams, three of them, with only a harness holding me. The photographer wanted me to start at the top beam and fall to the next two. And I was freaking out because of my fear of falling, but after watching two other girls do it I knew I had to get over my fear and just do it. And after I did it I felt relieved and happy. Then Larry and I went to my gluten-free bakery (because I am cool enough to have one in my dream apparently) where there were tons of packages inside and outside of the place. Turns out they were all end-products of my own recipes that people decided to make and send me to thank me. There was food everywhere. On tables, in cupboards, boxes ... just piles of gluten-free goodness. And I remember how weird and amazing it was to see how many people were happy with what I could give them that they decided to give back ... by giving me food. At the end of the dream Larry and I were eating stacks of pancakes. And then I woke up drooling.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Dreams III
I was at school with Larry, and we were walking down the hall to see the cast list from the auditions we had last night. He got the part he wanted, while I got the role of the old lady in the play I would have rather avoided. I didn't care and was happy for the boyfriend, so we left and walked down a dark, spiral staircase. When we got to the bottom, Larry was gone. I was alone in the city. I started to walk around and saw a new restaurant opening up. I followed a little girl into the place and looked around. It was bright with some oriental decorations around. I picked up a menu and left. I stood at the edge of the sidewalk for the longest time looking left and right, just watching things happen. Next, I'm home, but my apartment is bigger and kind of resembles the kitchen and living room of my parents' home. My mom came by and said that a friend of mine's mother had died, and I remember being really upset. I kept saying that she was like a mother to me to my own mom. I wasn't upset at my mother, but I was sad for what had happened, so I walked out of the house and back to the sidewalk I was at before. I sat down and started thinking. Lucy and Hannah walked by, asking me if I was okay, and went on their way. Then my mom came by, saying that if I wanted to do something nice for the person who had passed away, I could rescue her puppy that was being held at some puppy hostage place. I grabbed a few of my childhood friends and we skillfully got the puppy. It involved throwing it into a pillowcase, but it still worked. We were walking down the stairs amazed that it was that simple, when we started hearing people run after us. We ran out of the building and into a taxi telling the driver to hurry. Somehow the driver caught on to what we had done as we started driving off, and he immediately backed up the taxi to the front of the building. The people chasing us hurried into another taxi and started going in the direction they thought we went in ... even though we were in front of the building. Our driver then started honking the horn ... and I woke up to my alarm going off.
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