Something I can't handle well: Death. What happened to Erik has made me sick to the point that I haven't been able to eat since Wednesday. I thought being at work would take my mind off of it, and it did, but everything built up into an emotional craze and it all came out last night. The last thing I wanted to do after my shift was go back to my room and be alone, so I went to the bar in Midtown and hung out with the people there. I didn't even realize they were closing till the lights came on, but I couldn't get myself to leave. So I made a complete fool of myself, which just made all of it worse. I then found myself walking around the city crying to my mom on the phone for about an hour telling her that I didn't want to be here at all and I just wanted to be home ... but that can't happen. I've been in bed all day, numb. I finally sat up about 15 minutes ago after talking to Chris. That's been the extent of my day - lonely, sad and in dire need of an escape. The thought of someone so nice, so talented, so smart, so young, now dead is ...
I just don't understand why someone with so much to live for had to go, while others of us, who haven't done much, are still here.
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