July 24th

I'm so bad at keeping up with this. Jeez ... so, uhh, yeah.

Summer has been alright. I don't think I ever do well when I have nothing to do for any amount of time. I've auditioned for a few shows in the city - all of them kinda stupid. Wasn't expecting any outcome from these, I only wanted to see what would happen in an audition since it's been so long since I've done a real one. I keep getting anxiety attacks when thinking about this. Part of me feels like I have no talent at all, and that I should be getting gigs right now; but the other half knows that I am still in training and that I will be taking an audition technique class later this year, so I have nothing to worry about. It sucks to think the way I think sometimes.

I have also been working a lot. I took another shift for the summer, and have been miserable lately. It's not a bad job, really. I don't mind getting paid $12/hr (what up, raise?!) to play on the computer and occasionally do something for the club. I'm just tired of the pretentious attitudes of the people who live in this building. I lost count of how many times people have threatened to tell on me to my manager and make sure I get fired. For what? For asking if you were members and doing the job I was hired to do? Okay. See how that goes, because instead of firing me I got a raise. I also don't like it when there is no one in the gym - like today. What's the point? Especially if I'm not allowed to sit down for the 8-hr shifts I have. BUT it has been nice to be able to take days off and not be reprimanded by my boss, like at the evil chicken vinyl house. I was able to take my birthday week off (23!!) and spend it with my mom who came to visit. However, this relationship I have with this place will end soon. September soon. The one thing I will miss: the pool. Nothing else matters.

I had to cut a friendship a couple weeks ago, as well. Turns out my Korean friend had fallen in love with me (wtf?) and assumed I felt the same. He would come to my place unannounced and get upset if I wasn't there or if I was asleep and didn't answer. It got to the point where I didn't feel safe, and my parents and boyfriend hated it ... and so I said goodbye. It was a painful process, but it was for the best.

Without a friend to hang out with, I've been spending A LOT of time with the boyfriend this summer. Yes, "boyfriend." It's gotten to that point. It's been nice. Really nice, actually. I would have been lonely this entire summer if it weren't for him. We tend to go out, eat, play music, eat, watch movies, eat, go to random museum exhibits, EAT. I feel sorry for him, though. I've been sad a lot lately (an anxiety and self-consciousness takeover, I guess) and he tends to worry about me. I'm hoping to snap out of it soon. I hate this side of me, and I hate that it makes him worry. But we just finished participating in Restaurant Week - we went to three restaurants (French, Russian and New American) and paid $35 each for a three-course meal. We even finished out with a bang on our last night when they messed up my order and gave us a free entree in addition to my meal. Woo. End result, though: Grungy places are better. He leaves in a couple of weeks to visit home, and then he is moving to Brooklyn. Not sure what's going to happen then. I guess I'll just have more time to study and play my cello. And maybe take a trip to Brooklyn - I mean, I've never seen it in daylight before.

I think that's the dl of what's up with my summer thus far. Not much, unfortunately. I start school again in September and will be busy once again (Yay!) with scenes and one-act productions. I'm curious to know what group I will be in and what production I will be working on, but that brings on more anxiety so enough of that. Back to the boring job of answering the phone and telling people that the spa is booked till closing. It's fun. Trust me.